Abandonment infiltrates our psyches like parasites. It makes us feel less than.
We want to make sure we do whatever it takes so people love us, want us, stay with us, think we're worthy, etc. We bend over backwards, make allowances for bad behavior, wear clothes that we don't really like because we think we'll get a particular reaction. We become more mindful of what others are thinking about us than of what we think of ourselves. We try to control how safe we feel by anticipating the thinking and actions of others. This is an impossibility! Sometimes people wind up alone because they're so afraid of being abandoned that they find ways to avoid committing.
Where does it come from?
I can't speak for everyone, but I didn't know my dad, and I spent a lot of my early years with my grandparents, then they died when I was still young. I, therefore, inherited a boat load of abandonment issues! They can also come from divorce, addiction, parental depression and mental illness.
What's my point?
It's really important to see when & where abandonment issues are operating in one's life. I learned that being healthy means having a very clear idea of who I am and what I like that has nothing to do with anybody else. If we are able to clarify that and have our own backs, then we are pretty much guaranteed to take good care of ourselves. When we get too caught up in attachment to others, we are often acting out of fear from our past, rather than having a healthy relationship in our present.
My novella is filled with the fallout of abandonment issues as Sophia Sawyer's six children try to live healthy adult lives after their mother left them behind and never looked back. Check it out! Salt in the Sugar Bowl: www.mainstreetrag.com/AEpps.html
Angela Belcher Epps
- Thanks for checking in. We all know life can be EXTREMELY complicated. I blog about recognizing and removing the barriers that sabotage our living well. - Nobody had perfect parents, so we all have issues.- We struggle to keep up with work, personal goals, staying healthy, and all kinds of relationships.- Our minds are busy, and they seem to often work against us.- At the end of many days, we're disappointed about what didn't get done, how we failed, what we should have done.So I blog about increasing personal awareness and finding balance so we can cut ourselves some slack. Let's stay grounded as we move forward in manageable steps. Perspective is everything, and I try to see around the corners so we can leverage what we've already got into more of what we want.Follow me and give me feedback. You inspire me, and I'll try to inspire you.