Sunday, January 20, 2013

Toxic reactions in relationships

The other day I was waiting at a stoplight and looked over at a woman in the car next to me who was irate She was screaming and cursing at the top of her lungs and pounding on the steering wheel. Veins were bulging. She looked like she had lost her mind. Her energy was so charged with anger that I had to turn away because my own heart started to race.

I realized that her reaction to the person on the other end of the line was probably doing as much or more harm to her than what she was actually angry about. She looked like she was minutes away from a stroke or heart attack, and when the light changed, she screeched off-- passing all the other cars and swerving. Her anger episode was a disaster in the making. Two days ago I saw another woman in a car next to me in a similar situation. Again I had to turn away.

If I, as an onlooker, can feel the negativity of her anger in my body, imagine what is happening to the two people engaged in the drama. I have been that person more than a couple of times in my life. But now, there is no way on God's earth I'm putting myself in that kind of jeopardy. If anybody in my life generates that kind of out of control, blue in the face, crazy mad reaction, it's time to go, or hang up, or disengage. Butting heads until the metaphorical blood is streaming down your face is poison. Such reactions lace our blood with levels of hormones that are absolutely poisonous. Whether we're dealing with a lover or friend, or family member, or a bill collector-- remember that the more worked up you get, the more you hurt yourself.

Whatever happens in our lives has happened. The part that we have the most control over is how we react and deal with it. My cousin gave me a quote the other day. What somebody does to you is their karma. How you react is your karma.

If we're human, we've been screaming mad in our lives, but there are some questions that I think are worth asking ourselves:

Is whatever you're angry about worth bursting a blood vessel?
Are you the toxic influence who makes somebody lose control and become a screaming banshee?
Are you aware of the people in your life who do you more harm than good?
How do you bring yourself back to sanity when your blood is boiling?

Tell me what you think.....

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  1. How true.
    I am reminded of yet another quote. "Being angry at someone is like burning down your whole house just to kill a rat."

  2. Hopefully those women were young. There is nothing worse than seeing a mature woman out of control in public. To me, it equals a woman being pissy drunk. UUUGGLLYYY! I too have been victim of young crazy love; or rather, what I called love. Like the majority of events in my younger life, it taught me something that I could not appreciate until later in life. What that kind of anger truly is is your essence reacting to you surrendering your personal power to something or someone else. I believe as we get older, emotionally mature, disciplined, and wiser, we also become aware of the value of self-control. But looking back at that young crazy love, it was good at the time and I wouldn't trade it for all the tea in China.


What are your thoughts? I look forward to hearing from you.