Staying Present Isn't Rocket Science

Today I had a minor epiphany about staying present. The concept has become a critical part of handling stress and achieving peace of mind. It suddenly became clear to me that being present is actually making ourselves tackle the things that need doing that are right in front of us.

We've evolved beyond having to feed the chickens to keep them alive and us from starving, or harvesting our crops so they don't go to seed. So now we fail to see the urgency of handling mundane tasks on a daily basis.

In an era of convenience and incredible amounts of leisure time, we often find ourselves doing nothing important for a large part of our days. When we're channel surfing, watching random YouTube videos, scrolling through Snapchat or Facebook, what we're really doing is vacating. Too much vacating (even a couple of hours), and we've actually set ourselves up for stress and all kinds of problems in the near future.

How? Why?

Because when we're vacating, time evaporates, and we're not taking care of what's in front of us that needs doing. Things like....
Washing dishes
Folding laundry
Grading papers
Paying bills
Cooking
Writing
Studying
Reading
Playing with the kids
Communicating with other people in your environment
Working on a project

When we don't do these things as they arise, we screw things up because they pile up or suddenly should have BEEN done. Then we complain because we're all stressed out because:
the kitchen is now a wreck, and you don't have an hour to spend cleaning;
the laundry takes half a day or more;
the bills accrued late fees;
the health routine was blown eating cheap fast food;
the novel or article didn't get written;
the goal didn't get met;
the grading, shopping, reading, knitting, etc. didn't get done; and
the kids and spouse suddenly seem incredibly annoying.

What actually happened was we spent way too much time lost in TV land, cyberspace, or just farting around before we did the important stuff.

So staying present doesn't have to be as complicated as bringing our attention back to the moment and paying attention to our breath. It can start with looking around, getting up, and doing what needs doing. After that, we can vacate into cyberspace or TV land, and fart around as much as we like.

We're better than this....

We're better than this! read a bumper sticker on a car in front of me. It grabbed me. Made me say, "Yes. We are. I am." Even before I figured out than what? So on New Year's Day, when everybody makes resolutions, that might be a great place to start.

Here are some things I know I'm better than, and I REFUSE to bring them into 2017:

1. I'm better than getting annoyed about things over which I have no control. The other day my friend and I conferred about important things to put on our To Do lists. She offered one for me: "Remember what a good life you have." She's right. So when random things threaten to get on my nerves, I allow myself to focus on one of those wonderful things I have going for me, and move on.
2. I'm better than assuming that I know what's best for other people. When someone complains or commiserates, I can listen, but I must allow them to feel what they feel. Often I try to talk a friend or loved one into feeling better. But I'm reading Marianne Williamson's Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey from Suffering to Enlightenment. She suggests that we make the effort to understand what lessons our pain and distress can teach us instead of trying to escape them. And I agree. So my "fixing" conversations probably get in the way of other people's growth.
3. I'm better than planning poorly. There's no excuse for overcommitting and overfilling my calendar. I'm beyond rushing to accomplish ordinary tasks, sacrificing quality because I procrastinated, or feeling resentment because I said "yes" to something that should have been a "no."
4. I'm better than creating stress for myself. I'm busy, but focused and mellow. (That's the vision I want to hold of myself.) If I think before I speak or move in a direction, then I can cruise most of the time. Because we usually made the choices that led to the stress.

As usual, I come back to the same thing. Take time to know yourself, then honor what you know. Make decisions that feed your soul. You're better than being on automatic with your precious life.

   

Anxiety as a positive.....

I have always dreaded the feeling of anxiety. I hate the tension, the shallow breathing, the sweat beading on the tip of my nose, etc. That feeling crops up when I have to do things that push me out of my comfort zone. Anxiety makes me want to avoid certain situations.  

In any culture, we will meet with rejection and various biases: sexism, racism, gender bias, age-ism, etc. When we go out into the world or engage in different interactions, we often anticipate what we are up against, and we feel anxious. But creating a life that we want requires moving ahead in spite of .......

This week I've been reading Thomas Hora's Beyond the Dream (one of my favorite books in the world http://www.pagl.org/excerpts.html). This is what Dr. Hora writes about anxiety:

"[Anxiety] is actually just a heightened state of alertness, connected with an anxious desire to succeed in some project. Therefore it is actually healthy to be anxious. We can say, it is all right to be anxious as long as we are not timid. Timidity is a fear of appearing anxious, and it gives rise to a desire to stifle and cover up the anxiety. Anxiety can be accepted as something positive, and timidity can be refused as something cowardly, unproductive, and self-indulgent. Timid people often blame anxiety for their suffering, but if they realize that the [enemy] is timidity hiding behind anxiety, then they can simply refuse to be timid and the whole problem disappears. Therefore, we can say that it is all right to be anxious as long as we are willing not to be timid."

I love a choice! I now choose courage and productivity, and I release timidity.

That may be easier said than done, but I believe hard things are doable when we have the right mindset. Refuse to be timid because who else can represent you in this world?

TIMID: easily frightened; lacking self-confidence, shy