Staying Present Isn't Rocket Science

Today I had a minor epiphany about staying present. The concept has become a critical part of handling stress and achieving peace of mind. It suddenly became clear to me that being present is actually making ourselves tackle the things that need doing that are right in front of us.

We've evolved beyond having to feed the chickens to keep them alive and us from starving, or harvesting our crops so they don't go to seed. So now we fail to see the urgency of handling mundane tasks on a daily basis.

In an era of convenience and incredible amounts of leisure time, we often find ourselves doing nothing important for a large part of our days. When we're channel surfing, watching random YouTube videos, scrolling through Snapchat or Facebook, what we're really doing is vacating. Too much vacating (even a couple of hours), and we've actually set ourselves up for stress and all kinds of problems in the near future.

How? Why?

Because when we're vacating, time evaporates, and we're not taking care of what's in front of us that needs doing. Things like....
Washing dishes
Folding laundry
Grading papers
Paying bills
Cooking
Writing
Studying
Reading
Playing with the kids
Communicating with other people in your environment
Working on a project

When we don't do these things as they arise, we screw things up because they pile up or suddenly should have BEEN done. Then we complain because we're all stressed out because:
the kitchen is now a wreck, and you don't have an hour to spend cleaning;
the laundry takes half a day or more;
the bills accrued late fees;
the health routine was blown eating cheap fast food;
the novel or article didn't get written;
the goal didn't get met;
the grading, shopping, reading, knitting, etc. didn't get done; and
the kids and spouse suddenly seem incredibly annoying.

What actually happened was we spent way too much time lost in TV land, cyberspace, or just farting around before we did the important stuff.

So staying present doesn't have to be as complicated as bringing our attention back to the moment and paying attention to our breath. It can start with looking around, getting up, and doing what needs doing. After that, we can vacate into cyberspace or TV land, and fart around as much as we like.

Pay Attention--Really

I watched the movie "Deepwater Horizon" this weekend. It's based on the disastrous BP oil spill. That devastating event was totally human error. Taking short cuts. Not paying close enough attention to what was needed to get the job done correctly.

I thought about how many small and not-so-small problems start with not paying full attention to the task we're doing. Too often, people make mistakes in daily life because they just weren't paying attention.

Decades ago, I went through a frazzled period of relationship stuff. It was often at the back of my mind when (if I knew then what I know now) I could have compartmentalized parts of my life much, much better. During one of those distracted periods, I wrote checks for my monthly bills. Suddenly, my checks were bouncing all over New York City. Insufficient funds fees mounted, and I had noooo idea why. There were no automated banking features back then, so I finally went to the bank to see what happened. I'd written a check for the full amount of my checking account to the oil company! They just put in on my account. I was lucky they returned the extra when they found out my error. Since then, I've learned to shut off my problems when I'm working or dealing with money. I want my job and my money!

We're human, and sometimes we go through things that become all-consuming, and it's understandable to be distracted and make mistakes. But that's actually rare for most periods of our lives. For most days of lives, we aren't usually dealing with true emergencies and hardship. And still many are not "present" for large chunks of daily life.

As a society, we have adopted multitasking and distractedness as a way of life. We commit a slew of safety mistakes on a daily basis:
- talk on the phone while crossing the street with a baby carriage,
- check messages and social media while driving,
- make money transactions while checking a message or talking to a friend,
- chip teeth while using them as scissors or openers,
- put on makeup while driving,
- keep abreast of social communication while performing our jobs.

It's really important to start checking ourselves before the worst happens. Sometimes the worst is not so bad, but sometimes it can be life-shattering. If you don't know how to focus, learn how. If it's hard to stay away from social media, start training yourself. Tell yourself often that the most important thing is THE thing you're doing right now. Learn to control yourself.

Once you know you have common sense, make yourself use it all day long. Walk slower, breathe, make decisions about what you do with your mind and your body. Don't go around on automatic. If you do, the law of averages says that sooner or later you will be very sorry you did.

Crippling care? To coddle or butt out?

My Lord! This is the season of hacking and stiffness, death and bugs. Recently I'm realizing how my energy effects others. When I worry, I come with a whole set of automatic behaviors. I ask a lot of questions. "Are you drinking enough water?" "Did you exercise today?" "Do you think you're ready to go out?" Are you taking care of yourself? I might bring vitamins and tea. I suggest some stretches. I hover and gauge how my "patient" is progressing. It feels like caring. But sometimes its effect can be annoying.

Jeeze. Why?

I stopped to consider this phenomenon after I picked up a "tone" from a couple of people I deemed to be in need of some TLC, some intervention attention. So I journaled and meditated and journaled some more. Then it hit me. There are a host of individuals who don't enjoy associating themselves with weakness, sickness or loss. While some like to revel in the attention that comes with being under the weather, others (myself included) do better with the personal space needed to be stronger, to grab one's bootstraps and plug along. Plugging along, for many, is the best medicine. Constant reminders of being in a weakened state can keep you focused on that weakened state.

With this insight. I backed off and stopped focusing on the "condition." I stopped asking all those questions and resumed treating individuals like whole people. Instantly, the tone changed. The energy got lighter and more pleasant.

So, yes, some people do enjoy the coddling. But be mindful of who you're dealing with and act accordingly. Sometimes care can be crippling.