Inside and Outside Truth

Amy Bloom wrote in her novel Away, "Everyone has two memories. The one you can tell and the one that is stuck to the underside of that, the dark, tarry smear of what happened." I like this because everyone likes his or her own decent version of our story. In the retelling, we might shy away from the parts that cast us in an unfavorable light. Sometimes that might be the ugly thing someone said to us that hints at a deeper truth. Other times it might be the part we played in a drama that took a turn for the worse. Sometimes it’s a little thing we did or didn’t do that ultimately made a difference in the outcome.

So in order to stay grounded, I guess we can say or tell what we want to… as long as we don’t lie to ourselves. When we believe our superficial story and omit the “dark, tarry smear of what happened”, we are doomed to let ourselves off the hook too easily. We are likely to blame the world for our conditions when we had all the power. The power that lies in seeing our own truth-- stark and bare. Owning our truth lets us walk authentically through life, dealing with what really is there, and coming to terms with what actually helps or hinders us on our journey.

Recommit

All week the idea of recommiting has been with me. Life simply requires it. We all have intentions. Then life happens, and the intentions fall by the wayside. Then we remember what we set out to do and become discouraged, maybe hit ourselves over the head a few times, call ourselves a few names.  This may apply to exercise, eating, meditating, running, giving things up for Lent, cussing, judging, yelling, and on and on. My grounding tip is this: When we recognize we've fallen off, do the merciful thing and recommit. There's no virtue in hating little bits of ourselves because we're human. Really. That's a myth. A crock.

Give it your best shot again.  That's part of the journey.

Leonard Orr wrote these powerful words:
Infinite Power directed by thoughts of weakness can produce infinite weakness. Infinite power directed by wholesome and healthy thoughts produce infinite wholesomeness, health, and safety - beyond safety - peace and pleasure.

Magical Breathing

Seems that I would have mentioned this already. But when I consciously ground myself, I’m always stunned to recognize that, quite often, I go through life holding my breath. Taking measly breaths. Just enough to get me through a day filled with a long string of slightly tense minutes. Today I caught myself, and I started walking slowly enough to remember to breathe deep-down-in-my-belly breaths. A while later, I realized the tension had melted. I had a great day even though nothing spectacular happened! I found myself being in the moment--  just as peaceful and productive as you please. I WAS THRILLED! So simple, and yet so powerful.

And since breath is the most important element, it stands to reason that it will go a long way as a physical and mental healer. I really hope I remember to breathe tomorrow.

Danskos!

I  love my Danskos! These shoes were made for walking. For me, staying grounded has a lot to do with shoes. I can wear these babies all day and night without thinking about my feet! Simple pleasures. Grounding tip: Wear comfortable shoes. Life is complicated enough without being reminded of your feet all day. 

Stress-Free Weekend

What happens to me is this... I'm going along fine and feeling pretty decent. The better I feel, the more I feel like doing. I keep doing, doing, doing, and suddenly I don't feel so decent anymore. This usually leads to a feeling of being unbelievably overwhelmed.. to the point that I'm not feeling so clear about anything anymore. By the end of the week my head is buzzing.

My grounding tip... Go to bed. Get some rest. Forget fun. Forget obligation. Sleep till you get that pressed-down feeling in your bed, and even if life is happening all around you, don't get up till you know you've slept late. Then get up and move slowly. Really slowly. Don't get too far away from a chair or a bed. I did it this weekend. I feel sooo much better. It works.

A wounded heart is the most likely to wound....

Dozens of times I've read about the world being a mirror. That was very cryptic. Now I understand it. People project their beliefs out into the world. If my heart has been broken four times, then I'd expect the fifth love to come along and break it as well.That's the cycle... the self-fulfilling prophecy. And what's very strange is that the person who has been hurt will often say and do some very mean things to you. It's the "I'll get you before you get me" syndrome. Eckhart Tolle refers to "pain-bodies"-- the hurt places within that are triggered by the most innocuous things. So my grounding tip is to beware the walking wounded because they may just strike out. But don't take it personally because 9 times out of 10 (don't quote me on that), it's not about you at all.

The other day I told a student who has a very caustic attitude that he needed to stop addressing me in such a harsh tone. He said, "People are always yelling at me." I said, "But I don't yell at you. I never yell at you. I speak nicely to you." He looked at me with surprise and said, "Oh. I'm sorry."

One well-lived day at a time rewrites your history.

That idea came to me a few months ago. And I believe it. There's a statistic about our only using some tiny fraction of our brain power. Couple that with the amount of time that our society actively encourages us to waste time, and you can see why so many people are not happy with themselves. Notice how there is nolonger a commercial interruption between television shows. Or notice how they play marathons of your favorite shows back to back to back. We are suckered into becoming passive consumers of whatever advertisers are paid to sell us. Such a lifestyle will leave you wanting for damned near everything you've ever desired... and never getting it. (I won't even mention addiction to the social media!)

So we've got to push ourselves against the 21st century tide. For me that means carrying my sneakers in the car so I can get some walking in at the end of some days. I have to set up my crockpot so I can have some slow food cooking, so I don't fall into the fast-food trap. I have to leave behind the idea of a comfort zone because, as I wrote before, a wide comfort zone won't get me what I want. And I also have to get enough sleep, because if I'm tired, I won't feel like doing any of the stuff that truly satisfies me-- like exercising, writing, and eating good healthy homemade food.

If I incorporate these things into my life, I am a happier wife, mother, family member, and friend. And I have well-lived days. If I don't I become irritable and annoyed, and generally dissatisfied-- creating ugly chapters in my personal history book. So I'm really trying to keep from falling for the easy outs that can take away my control of my desired destiny.

The Comfort Zone

"Happiness begins at the end of my comfort zone." (anonymous, quoted by Stephanie McIntyre)

That line says it all. What does a comfort zone bring? More of the same. Getting out of it is like starting to exercise... there may be a bit of resistance, maybe a little pain, discomfort. Or it can be like speaking a new language... awkward, a feeling of stupidity, stumbling around in intimidating territory. I hate to do it, but I'll state the obvious: The only way to really live is to adopt a spirit of adventure-- even if they're tiny adventures, like:

•         having dinner alone in a restaurant and ordering a glass of wine (or even two glasses of wine)
•        driving down a highway just because you want to know where it leads
•        buying a ticket even if you're the only one who wants to go
•        talking to different people at work
•        hiring somebody to do things you dread, so you have time for the things you love

The list can go on and on. Make a list of things that can stretch you beyond the familiar, and into the realm of who you actually imagine yourself to be.

Eating for Success

The most basic guide to what you should eat is your body type." Perfect Health by Deepak Chopra

In October I pretty much gave up refined sugar and most refined carbs. Since then, I can almost count the number of times I've consumed them. It has changed my life. The fact that I'm blogging, fixing my website, and following "how-to" manuals is confirmation that they had a horrific effect on my nervous system or some system. I'm thrilled! Sugar made me spacey and emotional and somewhat antsy. My mind was all over the place. A few weeks ago, I noticed how much longer I'm sticking with tasks, and how much deeper I can go into a topic before I'm distracted.

My grounding tip is this: If you know, or even intuit, that something isn't working for your body, give it up. It's hard, but it's worth it. In the long run, our taste buds will evolve to actually want a healthier diet; but we won't get back the hours and days sacrificed to sugar lows,  jittery nerves, and queasy stomachs. 

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The Right to One's Opinion

"A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still." attributed to Dale Carnegie, et. al.

Debating and justifying were two of my favorite pasttimes for decades. Friends, cousins, and I would belabor a topic with heels dug firmly and deeply into a particular point of view. We were hoarse with righteous indignation, shouting until the sun rose. It was rare that anyone changed perspectives-- although some conceded because they were simply worn out.

Slowly it dawned on me that each person simply walks in his or her own shoes, so there is little value in convincing another to see and believe as I do. The need to make another understand my point has more to do with my need for security-- for confirmation that I am right. But right is relative, and so is wrong. Mistakes, learning, and growing make up our respective journeys; and the journey is life.

I'm now testing the validity of my own assumptions and actions. I'm trying my best to leave others to do as they please. Amazingly, as I let others have their own opinions without my interference, I feel freer. When I acknowledge each person's rights, I am more aware of my own.